How long to breastfeed is NOT my decision???!!

I can be so naive!!! As I thought that I am the sole decision-maker concerning how much longer I can breastfeed, there are other social actors who are far more eager to stop that process.

Other mothers, friends, relatives, parents, in-laws, to husbands/partners, to name these social actors, as so breastfeeding mothers around the world reported - I'm included. I noticed, their 'supposedly-helpful-and-wise-advice' to stop breastfeeding revolves around the infant/toddler. Not the mother. (I wonder whether they are fully conscious that their so-called recommendation can be quite disrespectful to the mothers.)

In cases where these social actors must care for the child, a breastfeeding child could be quite a nuisance for them. Why? Because when mommy is around, most of the times, her/his fussiness is much controllable. Suckling on the breasts, after all, is soothing and comforting. So, how to not face the fussy babe? Eliminate her/his "habit" of breastfeeding. That should solve the problem, right?

It's just so frustrating. What it should have been is "my body, my decision.' In reality: my body, every one else's business...

I, a "child abuser" (according to Ms. Mem Fox) Part II

Got a call yesterday while I was working. I could not pick it up, and so the caller left her message. My message of the day...

Obviously, she read about Mem Fox's comment. And that influenced her: she recommended me to quit my job, because she believes I'm abusing my child. Just like Mem Fox said. Some friend!!!

And so, I took my anger and wrote her my response on her website. That was earlier today. When I checked it this evening, the post isn't there. Either it still is awaiting for moderation or already chucked out? Another post from today was published instead.

Oh...what the hell. This is what I wrote:

Dear Ms. Mem Fox,

I appreciate your speaking out lout about parents using day care that was published in the paper. It must have been a rather difficult issue to place your opinion on. As it is a delicate issue with the high possibility of offending mothers, who are already bombarded with many other issues. I must, however, respond back to what you stated, as I find your argument rather irrelevant and lack of credibility, both to parents and the children themselves.

I am afraid that you, and many others who share your viewpoint, have missed out a NUMBER of important issues, some fundamentals to our well-being. My arguments are the following.

Day care is an OLD concept. In traditional societies, there are cases where the children, at times young babies, are left with close-by neighbors, while the parents are working in the field, at times from dusk until dawn. Even today in some parts of the world, this practice still exists. So, if we are to make the comment that leaving our children at a very early age and for a long day equals abusive, what does that say about the whole world?

In traditional societies, moreover, parents can sometimes take their children to the field where they work. What a great alternative, right? Yet, how many of today’s corporations, organisations, and the like allow us to do that? Sure, some made the effort to organise an in-house day care, allowing parents to still see their kids during office hours. But how many among the millions do so? In this matter, should we not channel our resources to encourage such practice, rather than charging the parents, who are already feeling bad anyhow for leaving the kids behind?

Needless to remind you, regardless why a parent works, i.e. for financial reasons or just pursuing a career, it’s all about maintaining one’s well-being. And every one should have the right to maintain her/his well-being, right? I know other working moms who are HAPPIER, because they have been given the opportunity to pursue a career. And this outcome translates to a better parenting. Do you not consider this issue when you made your comment in that paper?

Have you not consider the possibility that if a parent is confined to the caring for the children solely, WHEN she/he knows that there are alternative to caring for the child exists AND that she/he wants to bring in extra income or become more self-confident by pursuing a career, THEN there is a possibility for child abuse?

Day care is NOT THE BEST solution. Most parents who have no choice but to do so KNOWS that. I’m not proud, neither am I happy to leave my son in the care of a stranger. But the costs for NOT doing that outweighs the benefits for me to stay home and care for him myself. HOW DO I SECURE A GOOD LIVING FOR HIM IF I DON’T BRING IN EXTRA INCOME? And that good living is not for branded clothes, expensive toys, etc. It’s simply about his food, milk, medical care, school, and affordable books and toys, so he can have that life that his peers, whose parents don’t leave them in day care, have.

To that end, I think your argument has been directed at the wrong audience. You’ve wasted your resources, really. Because instead of pointing fingers at the parents, it’s the system that needs to be refined. It’s the system that needs to be child-friendly and family-friendly. HAVE WE GOT ONE???

With that in mind, why is it always mothers who got accused? (If you have not launch your statement directly to mothers, there’s an indication of it…)

Sincerely,
V

PS: In response to JASON LUCAS’s comment - your point (2) is HIGHLY irrelevant. There has been no indication of a significant relationship between day care and the moral values of our teens nowadays. Check your reality! And what’s a traditional value? Disregarding a child’s individuality? Is that where you’re heading to? I agree, however, with your point that every one is scared about disciplining one’s child. Well, whose fault is that? People like Mem Fox, I’m afraid, are perhaps the one needs ‘auditing’. Because to them discipline equals child abuse. aarrgghhh! Where is the boundary of this whole debate???!!!

I, a "child abuser" (according to Ms. Mem Fox)

Working parents who must leave their young babies in day care please note:

We are a 'breed' of "child abuser"

How so? Check out this article for more detail.

For short, the leading children book author, Ms. Mem Fox, made a comment along the line that "if we can't care for our babies ourselves, why bother having them to then leave them in day care, especially at a very young age."

I read the article, over and over again...in disbelief. Shocked and even more sad than I already am. Haven't I got enough things to deal with???!!!

I feel like saying this to her:

Madame Mem Fox,

If you are looking to write something intellectual about working parents and leaving our children in day care setting, please read this book first: "Mother Nature: A History of Mothers, Infants, and Natural Selection" by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. Then come back once you understand why the parenting style: society builds the circumstances.

I believe you lack the understanding of the intricacies of today's parenting. You have no knowledge of the fundamentals that underscores being human. And that is why, the words you stated in that article are rather meaningless, lack of purpose.

For a well-established author, you've wasted words. (And what does that tell us about your books?)

Commitments...

19 July 2008.
My last post.

Today's date: 2 September.

Talking about being committed to writing... There were days where I thought, where the heck should I find the energy. A toddler, a hubby who is working 24/7 and going to school full-time, a part-time job, and household chores full-time.

It's all about organizing, right?